About

I am an artist, poet and musician.

I was born deformed with multiple birth defects and experienced many birth trauma’s which resulted in multiple disabilities on March 29th 1951.

My Father died the night of Thanksgiving 1958. I was 7 years old.

I was the victim of an attempted molestation and attempted murder January 16th, 1961. I was 9 years old.

There are those that think I am autistic. There are those that thought I had a mood disorder. There are those that think I am OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) There are those that think I have severe and chronic PTSD or Complex PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). There are those that had thought I was epileptic. I have been misdiagnosed most of my life. Most think I am a P.O.S. and shun me. I am happy for all of you that are seemingly so perfect. It is possible I am many things within a matrix, a Venn diagram. After the 4th grade I rarely took a book home or did homework. My freshman year in high school they discovered I couldn’t read. I was socially promoted through grade school and high school. I am self-taught. I am not indoctrinated or programmed as most of you are. No one knew I was deaf with an auditory aphasia until the early 90’s. My verbal reasoning was tested to be at 8%. Which may be a part of my autism. I carry a card in my wallet to explain to cops or whoever about my hearing, I also have one that provides details to others on how to communicate with me. My life has been spent in a nightmare, a living Hell while having an INTP Myers/Briggs personality, only 1% of the population have this personality type, the ultra-idealist personality. I am also by nature and training highly altruistic. I find it ironic that I want to celebrate the facts that I am…

1)-alive…

2)-I am able to do the things I can do…

3)-that I am fully cognizant of the train wrecks I have caused…

and yet I am shunned and despised. It is a lonely existence, I will be happy when death finds me, waiting. I am so weary from suffering fools gladly. To put it another way, if you are so damn perfect how is it that the world is so fucked-up?

This is the communication guide I keep in my living room for people to read so I can understand them and they me. I have had people read it and totally ignore it. Yet I am the one that is fucked up and evil. Stop blaming me for your stupidities!

Genetically I can trace my family back to Robert The Bruce and King Edward the First, I am also a 4 cousin of FDR. Most people are overwhelmed by my totality, you ought to try being in my shoes.

About my family…Family

Only 2 things never lie, Mother Nature and music.

My life has been destroyed by lies, lies told about me and lies told to me. Why oh why do people lie? All I want is some truth in my life, protect me with the truth. It is so much easier to find safety in the truth, shelter in the truth, comfort in the truth. I found this the other day…

I will admit it, I have a problem with the truth, if someone cannot be truthful with me I think I am not worthy of honesty and that I am less than human and deserve being lied to…I demand the truth and it isn’t part of being “normal”, humans lie and this bothers me a great deal.

Dad died 61 years ago today. My best friend, my brother Frank died in 2007. I keep asking, “Daddy, can I come home now?”. I’ve been asking for 20 years and all I get is silence, why? Back in 2000 a Doc said I had the body of an 80 year old man, said I had 10 years max. Here I am without family or friend asking, “Daddy, can I come home now?” I know it’s going to rain, today.

Curious what this all means? Here, read this INTP Personality Type: Thinker & Seeker

…are you capable of an original thought?…

…for those that need to know more I have written out my story, here is the link, it is password protected so you’ll have to contact me for the password… My Story and about my body… I Am The King of Pain

…once there was a woman named Sylvia…I lived for her smile…she saved my life one day and on another day she saw I was having trouble understanding something and offered help without asking, just doing, no one has ever seen me like that before or since, she saw me…she has the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen, unforgettable, she was in my dream tonight, I guess I needed a reminder, I hope she and her family are safe, I have no idea where she is except in my head, my hearta hand drawn heart in the palm of your hand,  save it for a rainy day …6-19-2020

Bruce Cockburn – Live On My Mind

For Sylvia…