The King of Pain

A page about being the King of Pain


For me it starts at birth. My Mother was in labor for 4 days, it was a dry birth. I was 3 to 5 weeks early, blue and my right leg twisted up. I was put into an oxygen tented crib. There was no bonding with my Mother. The oxygen wasn’t regulated properly and caused brain damage which is the cause of my deafness and my hands not working as they should. I have an auditory aphasia. I hear sounds but there is very little processing. My verbal reasoning has been tested at 8%. Most people are between 35% and 47%. The Purdue Peg Board test shows my left hand to test at a grade 7, my right hand at 13. Anything at 10 or less is considered to be crippled. I was also born with sclerosis of the spine or curvature of the spine. Before I was one year old they put my right leg in a cast to straighten it out. I also had red hair. People with red hair feel pain differently than others. I have been in pain since birth, my whole life. For a period of 14 months I went through a series of traumatic events few experience. My Father died the night of Thanksgiving 1958, I was 7 years old. The next spring we moved to Phoenix and the some 9 months later we moved again. On January 16th, 1961 at the age of 9 I was the victim of an attempted molestation and attempted murder. I survived. I have severe and chronic or complex PTSD. Another form of pain to add to the bundle.

So, my spine…

update…I recently had an MRI of my neck and thoracic area so I’ll add that info to the top and you can just read down my spine…

…my neck has lost all it’s cushioning and I have spondylosis of the neck…In an x-ray it looks like it is smothered in cob webs…I have been told to not have anyone manipulate my neck for the fear of being paralyzed….

…my left shoulder has joint thinning, there is no gap surrounding the joint…it was damaged during the event when I was 9…

…C-1 mild degenerative changes at the atlanto-dens articulation…

…C2-C3 trace disc osteophyte complex, mild facet degeneration on the left, mild narrowing of the left neural foramina…

…C3-C4 degeneration of the disc manifested by loss of T2 signal and mild loss of disc height, 1mm broad-based osteophyte complex, severe degeneration of the left facet joint and mild of the right facet joint, marrow edema is present within the articular processes on the left, moderate narrowing of both neural foramina…

…C4-C5 degeneration of the disc manifested by loss of T2 signal, moderate loss of disc height 2mm disc osteophyte complex with prominent bilaterial unconvertebral ridging, severe narrowing of both neural foramina…

…C5-C6 same as C4-C5 with mild facet degeneration on the left not on the right…

…C6-C7 degeneration of the disc with loss of T2 signal, tiny disc protrusion, mild facet degeneration on the left, not on the right…

…impression multilevel degenerative disease, advanced degenerative facet arthropathy on the left at C3-C4 associated with marrow edema within the articular processes, likely a pain generator, severe bilateral foraminal stenosis at C4-C5 and C5-C6 with possible impingement of the exiting nerve roots of both levels, mild reversal of the normal cervical lordosis, mild reactive endplate changes at C4-C5 and C5-C6.

Thoracic Spine…

…impression…mild multilevel degenerative disease of the thoracic spine, mild/moderate right convex scoliosis, mild facet degeneration at T4-T5, T9-T10 and T11-T12…

…T-1 has the 2 right side crowns ground flat, it feels like a 5 lb hammer is embedded between my shoulder blades…everything leans to the right…

…L-1 through L-4 the disks are bulging…the bulges get bigger going down…

…L-5 or a transitional vertebrae or an extra vertebra…the bulge is quite large and involves the spinal cord…the bottoms of my feet are numb and sometimes my toes really hurt and feel like they are on fire…my legs just don’t work right anymore, if I sleep more than 3 hours at a time they don’t work at all and feel swollen and are painful, I can’t swing my legs, I shuffle along…

…my tail bone is a mass off center to the right…it is loaded up with arthritis, it is now just a large lump that makes it very painful to sit…

…if my spine is way out of wack the sciatic nerve in my left leg goes crazy and I have a hard time doing anything but lying on the bed using something frozen to dull the pain, lying on something frozen gets really old really fast…thus my need for injections in to my spine to reduce the inflammation…

…below are a few things concerning chronic pain and PTSD, in a nut shell, PTSD intensifies pain…currently the Doctor I am seeing had me sign an agreement not to use MMJ, MMJ helps my PTSD to the degree that my allergies get completely under control and I have no need for the 3 inhalers, 2 nose sprays and the antihistamine I am prescribed plus all the over the counter things I use like Sudafed and Mucinex…it is my dream to one day live in comfort being able to treat my ailments as one condition, to be relatively pain and allergy free is but a dream…I have more PDF files to load onto the page should anyone need them, there is extensive research into the relationships between PTSD and pain just do a search and see.

The Relationship between PTSD and Chronic Pain: Mediating Role of Coping Strategies and Depression


PTSD and Chronic Pain | Psych Central

Memories of trauma are unique because of how brains and bodies respond to threat


Chronic Pain and PTSD: A Guide for Patients – PTSD: National Center for PTSD

Autism Spectrum Disorder and Amplified Pain

Autism And Pain Sensitivity Relationship Revealed In Brain Scans

10 unexpected physical symptoms of PTSD | PTSD UK

…there is work being done at the U of AZ in Tucson using green light to relieve pain, I’ll get things posted soon…I am current trying it out to see if it helps…scientists are finding out all kinds of interesting things about light therapies, I am hopeful…

Treatment of Pain Gets the Green Light | UANews

Testing the Healing Potential of Light

Orange essential oil may help alleviate post-traumatic stress disorder: Researchers find evidence that essential oil reduces fear, diminishes immune system markers of stress in mice — S

Long-lasting antinociceptive effects of green light in acute and chronic pain in rats. – PubMed – NCBI


For Pain, Green Light Means Stop | Pain Research Forum

Color Therapy – Which Colors Are Beneficial For You

A Critical Analysis of Chromotherapy and Its Scientific Evolution

Below is a copy of a page I used to have posted titled “Doctor’s”. I am posting it to demonstrate what I have been going through to address my pain issues and to show what the current laws concerning opioids is doing to patients in chronic and severe pain. I have edited out the names of the Doctors in an effort show the inability to access “healthcare” in my case and in America. I don’t really blame anyone, I can’t, it’s is system wide. It is societies fault really, making people in white coats gawds, as it were. They are just people doing a job and making a ton of money doing it.

A review of Dr.
Read his profile on the web. Got a referral from my Primary Doctor to Dr. and had my records forwarded. Got an appointment for March 1st, 2018. When he arrived at my room I handed him my card concerning my deafness. He said, in so many words, “…so what do you want us to do about it? start talking really loud so you can hear us?…”, as his voice got louder and louder up to yelling. I explained I have an auditory aphasia and he said something to the effect that I “…could reads lips and such…”. I have never been more humiliated by a “professional” in my life. Or it certainly feels that way. Today, 4/12/18, I received a bill for $40.00 some bucks. I’m to pay 40 bucks to be humiliated by some quack doc? He offered my no services and basically booted me out of his office. I left confused and horribly hurt by the “medical profession” once again. That clown gets an F-minus grade from me.
I have some fine physicians in my time, a few names:
Dr. Melvin Cohen
Dr. John Cogland
Dr. Kent Ward
Dr. George Bryan
Dr. Virginia Connor
Most Doctors are just that, Doctors. What makes a Physician?
A journey through pain…
On the 12th of July. I met with a doc and his staff concerning my back pain. We decided that injections of steroids at L5-S1 would be a good start. I also started a medication for the calming of the electricity flowing through my back and legs. I had the injections on the 24th. It was not an easy thing to experience. The inflammation in my back is so bad the doc had a very hard time getting his needles in. Remembering a few things. The doc was assisted by a new doc  to the staff. In the beginning I remember hearing “maybe you hit some bone” and “try cork-screwing it in” and then the doc took over saying how hard it was to get the needle in, I didn’t like his needle and to hold really still. OOOPPPSSS is what I say. I was a malfunctioning dart-board, damn. On the 25th I had to slow down the new medication because of a bad reaction to it. By the 26th I was in agony with an increase in pain. I had an appointment with my primary doc on
Friday the 27th. I explained everything that had taken place over the last month. He said nothing and gave me a prescription for oxycodone 10mg twice daily. I have been taking this dosage level since the early spring, it does nothing for the pain. That was 7:30am, at 2:00pm I went to the nearest ER which is a 45 minute drive because I was in so much pain. I got a shot of an anti-inflammatory and a script for a muscle relaxer; 3 days worth. Nothing for pain. From the 25th until the 2nd of Aug. I was making almost daily calls to the doc’s medical assistant concerning my increase in pain. I was also sending the doc messages via his patient-portal, they were never answered. I called on the 2nd and the doc wanted to see me, it is a 45 minute drive, one way. He gave me a prescription for a week of steroids to calm the inflammation down. Nothing for pain. He gave me a referral to a surgeon to operate and he noted to the surgeon it was “urgent”. On my way home I picked up the prescription racked in pain from the drive. That night, the 2nd, I tried to sleep on frozen packages of meat. On the 3rd I got my oxycodone script filled and bought a wrap around clay filled freezing thingy instead of frozen meat. The pain in my back, left leg and foot is beyond describing. I cannot sit, stand, walk or lay down. My left foot is numb and some times it goes up to mid calf. And again, nothing substantial for pain. Friday the 3rd, no call from the surgeon. Today is Sunday the 5th. Since the 2nd I have gotten 3 hours of sleep due to the pain and the steroid therapy. The freezer wrap doesn’t stay frozen long enough. There is no way I am able to take the oxycodone as prescribed, I have to take it more often just so I don’t scream and hyperventilate. I have been hyperventilating since the injections. I am worn out and nothing substantial for all this pain and numbness. This is not medicine, first do no harm, this is torture. Since the 12th of July I have seen 3 doc’s and 1 nurse practitioner and no one will address the pain. “Oh it’s the new laws” BULL SHIT!!! This is mean and cruel, period!!! The doc that did the injections wants me to send him a message on how I’m doing say mid-week this coming week via his portal. FUCK THAT-HE’s FIRED!!! I will not waste my time again with him!!! My only hope is the surgeon and the drive to see him is some 50 miles away. I don’t know if I can do the drive, turn around and drive back home, in the desert heat with no air-conditioning in my car. I have been taking oxycodone since 2010. Up til march of this year my dosage was 15mg every 6 hours and it made life some what livable. Last year when my left leg first went bad I went to the ER and they hit me up with 40mg of morphine I.V.. My pain at that time was the size of the sun and in less that 10 minutes it was the size of a pencil eraser. I know how to live life using oxycodone, carefully and logging every dose. Today I can get nothing for pain??? WTF??? Again, this is not “medicine” this is torture!!! If I don’t hear from the surgeons office by noon tomorrow I will call them and see whats what. I need help and living in the boondocks out in the desert it is very very hard to find.
AZ-opioid-prescribing-guidelines in PDF form.
A doc’s actions have been limited to a degree but to not such a degree that my pain issues cannot addressed in a safe and reasonable manner. I have also never even come close to what a doc can prescribe in gross amount. What I have been experiencing is cruel, unnecessary, torturous, unethical and not medicinal but political. Cover your ass instead of providing medical therapies to the patient is not medicine.
Monday, Aug. 6th
So much Bull-Shit. The “referral” to the surgeon was never made. I have an appointment with the surgeons P.A. on the 9th. They want current x-rays or MRI’s, I have neither, so the P.A. will have to order them. The next appointment time with the surgeon was the 21st. So I took the 9th just to get the ball rolling.
Tuesday, Aug. 14th
I cancelled the surgeons appointment and the appointment I had with an N.P. at a new pain clinic. They both wanted new MRI’s. There is no way I can stay still on that cold hard table long enough. My sciatic nerve is on fire. And neither one would give me anything for pain because I don’t have a signed opioid usage agreement with either one. I have an appointment with the Doctor that gave me my first injection over a year ago. His clinic uses both medications and injections, as well as other therapies to address pain. He also is a very nice guy. I didn’t go to him at first because of the drive time. His nearest office is an hour away. There is a person here in the complex that will drive me, he uses the same Doctor and knows where all 3 of his offices are, that way I won’t get lost. I have been watching video’s of floor exercises for the low back. They seems to help a bit and freezing my back more. I can do nothing. I fought to nuke some eggs today, spilling them on the counter while I danced in pain. I am too damn old for this. The bottom of my left foot and my toes where on fire earlier while my foot and ankle are numb. I’ll explain my back at anther time. I have been up for 1/2 hour, my leg is screaming at me and I need to go lay down now.
The Enemy Between Us: How Inequality Erodes our Mental Health
Inequality creates the social and political divisions that isolate us from each other
Had an appointment at Dr. office on Aug. 20th and 2:15pm. I had to have someone drive me. The pain in my left leg and back have prevented me from sleeping and doing normal things. We left at 1pm to drive through the desert without air-conditioning. I met with ___, told her of my problems and that I was not compliant with me current prescription. She said that once they got the discharge letter and records from Dr. she would call me in and we could figure out what to do about getting me some relief. It was a struggle getting my records and such but it did happen on the 22nd and I was called to say Ms. would be notified. I called on the 23 about 2:30pm to find out what was happening and if I could get an appointment. No I could not without the current script bottle with the remaining pills. When she knew I wasn’t compliant to start with. I was open, direct and honest. What did I get from a professional? Lies! I haven’t truly slept since the ___ injections. My left foot is numb, some of my right. The pain at the base of my spine is extreme. When I lay down to sleep my body gets jolted by my legs and my legs jerk. I am worn out from all this, very depressed and do not know where to turn. I have an appointment at my primary to see about getting an anti depressant and maybe a tranquilizer as well. Got a call on Aug, 24th around 8:30am saying that ___ could see me at 10:30am. I told the caller I couldn’t make the drive and at I have an appointment at 11am with my primary. Seems odd that first I’m told to come back and then no, you aren’t compliant and now to come in, again. I am not a yoyo. I am emotionally drained from all the BS! I have maybe one long drive in me and I don’t know if I’ll be able to get outta the car. I’ll save it for the MRI and maybe a surgeon. Old age and pain management are not working out for me, not one bit. Seems all I hear is NO.
On 3/13/19 I had an MRI done on my neck and upper back because I was complaining of pain but there were no recent studies to back it up. I went to the primary Doc that ordered the MRI’s for the results and half way through reading them he stopped and said I needed surgery. I said there was no money and he slumped in his chair. On 4/12/19 I went for an appointment with my pain management people and they said I needed surgery. Again I said there is no money. I had a series of 3 injections into my low-back last year. The combination of my Medicare premium and the co-pays emptied out my bank account in January and again in March of 2019. There is no money. Not for injections into my neck which were offered during my 4/12/19 visit or for the suggested surgery. I am not eligible for Medicaid, I make $14.00 too much in Social Security to qualify. I could beg for a hardship program for my pain Doc and injections, I could beg for a hardship program from the surgeon, I could beg for a hardship program from the anesthetist, I could beg for a hardship program from the hospital, I am damn sick and tired of begging!!! I am currently taking an extended release oxycontin twice a day with a oxycodone as needed 3 times a day for break-through pain. AZ State law reads I can be prescribed up to 90 mil. per day and I am currently at 50 mil per day. But that is the max the pain people say they will go. As I break down further with no money for surgery the oxycontin and oxycodone are the only thing keeping from going bonkers from pain. I am good for about 3 hours of activity before I crash and have to hit the bed. There is no quality of life and this is no way to keep on living. All of the pain, all of the BS, the total lack of money and no support network is causing my mental state to deteriorate rapidly.